May 30, 2006
a back can only take so many pats
Just to make note, in case anyone missed it...
Wait till July - I guarantee he'll come around once the thermometer breaks 75...
If you were here with me while I type this, you'd be sure to have the infinite pleasure of listening to the unforgettable sound of this horn I keep next to the keyboard. It sounds so sweet...so very sweet.
Here's yesterday's weather report out of New York City. If you check closely, the temperature at the time of Randy Johnson's first pitch was 87 degrees. By the time he left the mound, it was roughly 85 degrees. This link here will give you Big Rand's line from the game. So what if I was off by thirty days or so? I'm merely a baseball man - I'm no meteorologist. If I knew at the time of my last post that the Bronx would suddenly heat up quicker than buzz around Taylor Hicks, there's no doubt I would've predicted this performance. I only figured it would take a little while for summer to come back to the city.
At this point in his career, Johnson is incapable of putting forth a quality start unless he can feel a phantom mullet forming from the sweat beads on the back of his neck. Once he feels that special tingling sensation you can only get from a mullet waving in the wind, Randy hears the non-stop repeat of Achy Breaky Heart in his head that provided his inspiration so long ago. It brings our man back to the old days, the all-or-nothin days, the great big bird-killin' days. Big Rand's power lies in the back of his neck, and if it's not properly stimulated his performance suffers. It's a fact.
So make sure you check Baltimore's weather forecast before Saturday's game in Camden Yards. Anything higher than 80 will equal a quality start for the Unit. If we can pump it up to 95, though, put your money on some serious no-hit baseball.
